Meeting Your Intended Parents or Surrogate for the First Time- What to Do
You are almost matched….almost meaning that you are about to meet your surrogate or intended parents face to face for the first time--after reading through all the profiles, asking all the questions, making sure that everyone seems to be on the same page you, FINALLY, you get to talk to your potential match for one of the most important decisions of your life!
Just a little nerve-wracking, right? Well, let me make it a bit easier for you. Below are a few pointers that should help put all of these anxious feelings into perspective.
Is your meeting in person or is it over Zoom or Skype? If in-person make sure you have a sitter for your kids or animals. You don’t want to be thinking about what’s going on at home when you are trying to have a conversation with your potential match.
Review the profile and look at the photos that were supplied. Are there more photos you would like to share? Bring them along.
Are you eating a meal together? Check out the menu at the restaurant to get an idea of what you might like to order. If it’s a new place for you then check the map beforehand to make sure you have plenty of drive time to make your meeting.
Are you meeting on a video call? Make sure the platform works on your computer. If you need to download the app then do it the day before your meeting so you have lots of time to work out the bugs. If you have children at home have someone entertain them while you are on your call. The fewer distractions the better.
In either of these scenarios don’t talk about compensation, fees, reimbursements, or anything financially related. Your profile should have had what those expectations are and will be addressed again once you’ve agreed to work together.
It’s perfectly normal to be a little nervous and I can guarantee you that the other party is just as anxious to have this first meeting go well. Just be yourself. Keep things open and honest. Feel free to ask questions that are most important to you. If, after the meeting is over, you remember a question or concern you can always contact your agency and have them ask for you.
These are just basic guidelines. Often a match meeting or call is attended by an agency case manager which often relieves some of the pressure. You can ask what is appropriate for your unique situation. In cases of international surrogacy where IPs are from another country or English is a second language you might find yourself with an interpreter assisting with communication. Just keep in mind that before you agree to any match YOU must feel comfortable with the people you are going to be matched with for over a year or more. Honesty, reliability, and managing your expectations are most important!