Dear Scholastic Surrogate: Navigating the relationship with Intended Parent(s)
Dear Scholastic Surrogate:
I know that it has to be really difficult for intended parents during a surrogacy journey. How can I maintain a good relationship with my intended parents while acting as a gestational carrier? – Unsure new gestational carrier
Maintaining a relationship with anyone can be tricky but adding a baby and so much medical and legal stuff in, it can get a little awkward sometimes. Pregnancy is special no matter what type it is, and you are going to create a special bond that no one else can create with the intended parents. The relationship itself takes effort and won’t just happen without some level of work.. It can turn into an amazing relationship that will last a life time. Unfortunately, without work, it can also be a strained relationship. Of course, the most important part of the relationship is while you are preparing for pregnancy and during pregnancy. For me, personally, the most important has been the relationship I have with my intended parents (not intended any more – they are parents now!) after the baby was born, but that relationship had to form during the pregnancy.
Back to the basics to start that good relationship! First, communication when matching is key as you want to make sure your expectations match. Next is to treat others how you would like to be treated. I, personally, would not want to be bugged every second of the day, so I was not going to bug them. We had similar communication needs. But some people may LOVE to communicate constantly and might be hurt if their intended parents aren’t that way. We all have our own day to day life and are busy doing them, so it’s a fine balance. Although surrogacy is a HUGE step for both parties you must remember that life does move forward and does not stop because of this. Everyone still has to attend work, tend their current personal relationships and for gestational carriers (and often intended parents who are having a sibling for their current child), current children still need taken care of.
A simple hi text or phones calls were awesome for my relationship, but my intended parents were always updated if anything was wrong or even if I thought something tiny was wrong. Every milestone of the pregnancy they knew about, and they enjoyed all the pictures and progress sheets I would get from my OB office.
Everyone is different though! We all live different lifestyle and all communicate in different ways. It might take some trial and error to find what works for all parties but start at the basic and move forward. If you don’t like to be texted or called every second of the day, don’t do it to them.
Check out Amanda’s answer to WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP SHOULD I EXPECT WITH MY IP? Or Here is another perspective from Scholastic Surrogate.
In the end we are all in the same journey together and all want that healthy baby or babies as the end goal. If you want to create that relationship and help create a family fill out an intake form today!