Dear Scholastic Surrogate: Request Intended Parents Make of Their Surrogates
Dear Scholastic Surrogate: I have decided to become a surrogate and am in the matching process. One thing that concerns me is that the intended parents will make unrealistic requests of me as their surrogate. What kind of things do intended parents usually request? -Curious
Great question, Curious!
When thinking about becoming a surrogate, it’s important to think through all the requirements that may be asked of you. This isn’t just a normal pregnancy; this is one that takes a lot of planning and discussion with both parties to make sure everyone is on the same page as you all move forward. You will want to sit down with your intended parents and go over any requests they may have and any concerns that you may have. This is where an agency is a really great thing; it can help smooth any bumps in this process. Here are a few suggested requests that we have heard of.
It’s not uncommon for a surrogate and the intended parents to not live in the same state, which means that the intended parents might not be able to attend your OB appointments. Some intended parents that can’t go to these appointments might request the surrogate FaceTime or share what was said and done in the appointment as well as a recording of the baby’s heartbeat.
Doctors often recommend that pregnant women follow diets high in protein, fiber and vegetables while avoiding some foods that are more prone to causing bacterial infections. Some intended parents go beyond doctors’ recommendations and may ask for the surrogate to stick to a gluten-free diet or a diet with certain allergens eliminated. The surrogate should always be consulted beforehand and have the chance to negotiate these requests.
This is a beautiful journey that the gestational surrogate and the intended parents take together. Doing a maternity shoot with the intended parents is a great way to remember these special moments and to be able to show the child later. This should be approached with caution though, as for some intended parents it could be very hurtful to have the visual reminder that they were unable to carry their own child.
The gender reveal can be an exciting part of pregnancy, especially nowadays with all the fun ways to tell people what you are having. The intended parents may request that the surrogate participate in a gender reveal party or to be the only one that knows the gender until birth.
The intended parents may not live in New Mexico, or even in the United States. Sometimes after the birth of the baby, they may invite the surrogate (and her family possibly!) to come and visit their home and their new baby.
If the intended parents don’t live in New Mexico, or don’t live in the same city as the surrogate, they may request frequent Skype calls to see how the surrogate and baby are doing.
Friends and Family
Intended parents are grateful for the surrogate and her journey with them, and sometimes this means letting them into their family circle of relatives and friends who will be part of the baby’s life.
A sweet request is inviting the surrogate to the baby shower the intended parents may be putting on and including her in the special event of celebrating new life.
The surrogacy journey can be difficult, and some request may seem more like burdens at times (and some are a whole lot of fun!), but taking the requests seriously and with a positive attitude can make all the difference. It is also important to know if you have any “deal-breaker” request to be sure to let the intended parents know them. Working together to create this beautiful dream is sometimes challenging but worth the amazing outcome.