Supporting Your Surrogate…When You Weren’t Born With A Uterus

Surrogacy…there’s not one “type” of couple or person who does it. Every situation is unique. Sometimes it’s infertile couples. It could be two moms. Even a single mom. In these situations, someone has probably had to endure the long road of trying to get pregnant, the pregnancy hormones and some even actually getting pregnant but losing the baby at some point in the pregnancy.

But many times it’s two dads or a single dad. Why is this situation unique? Because in this case, there was never a uterus involved. Why does that matter? Because with no uterus, they cannot have ever had the option to get pregnant, so they may have less of an idea of how pregnancy might affect their body, and they definitely have not had to endure pregnancy hormones. They haven’t had to endure the experience of many pregnant women; hormonal emotions, such as crying at that Cheerio commercial of the family eating cereal around the table, something she might not have done if not pregnant. There are so many other crazy cravings and weird things that happen when a woman is pregnant that men just might not be able to understand as well. 

So as a male, how can you support a surrogate carrying a child or children for you? To start, don’t judge her. She wants to dip pickles in ice cream…cool. Craving for chicken and waffles 4 times a week—at 3AM? No problem. Know that she doesn’t even know why she craves these crazy things either. And unless it seems too crazy or would be harmful to herself or the baby…go with it.

Aside from not judging her, just support her in any way you can. There are SO many things you can do. Ordering dinner to be delivered one night for her and her family can go a long way. If you are unable to make the appointments, due to time or distance, even a simple little text wishing luck, letting her know you are there in spirit and asking how things went is great.  Believe it or not, she also loves seeing that healthy heartbeat every time and she really wants to share those moments with you. If you’re not sure what she needs, ask! She wants the same thing you do—for you to go home with a healthy baby. 

Want more information on how New Mexico Surrogacy supports you on your journey to be a parent via gestational carrier?