What To Do About Surrogacy Shaming

You’ve decided to become a surrogate and provide someone with the greatest gift you could ever give…a baby! You are giving someone who is unable to grow their family on their own something they’ve dreamed of. It’s amazing and you’re amazing! You would think that absolutely nothing negative could possibly be associated with that. But then you remember — some people find a way of judging everyone and everything, regardless of the kind intentions behind it and how much it’s helping someone else.

It’s a tough pill to swallow when you, as a gestational carrier, and your family, sacrifice so much to make someone else’s dreams come true, and some outside people still feel the need to judge and shame you for various reasons. So what do you do about it? A lot of that depends on your personality and how much what other people say bothers you. Here are some different ways you could handle it.

  1. Humor/Sarcasm - If you’re more the sarcastic/thick-skinned type, humor or sarcasm may suit you best when people make unwanted comments to you about being a gestational carrier. In general a quick-witted comment back to their shame statement to you will catch them off guard and shut them down fairly quickly. 
  2. Education - Some people make shaming statements unknowingly because they genuinely don’t know that the statement they made was hurtful, and they truly don’t understand surrogacy. You can usually tell when people say something with the intent of hurting you and when they really just don’t understand. If you’re up for it, take the time to educate them on surrogacy and how it works. It would be one more person who understands the entire process and one less person in the future who makes ignorant comments.
  3. Ignoring - If you like to avoid confrontation with people, ignoring them is generally the answer. Most people who make intentionally ignorant, shaming statements are not open to changing their opinions about surrogacy and you trying to educate them is truly going to be a waste of your time and energy, so simply walking away and brushing off their comment (as hard as it may be) is going to be the least painful solution.
  4. Peaceful Response - It’s always good to take the higher road and to let them know that they are certainly entitled to their own opinion but that you are very proud of what you are doing to help another person grow their family. 

There’s also a less peaceful route you could take, but we won’t recommend that because we all know that with people like this, that generally gets nowhere. No matter how you respond, the most important thing you need to remember is that what you are doing is amazing. And that YOU are amazing. Be proud of the wonderful gift you are giving to someone and know that you are changing lives. Thank you for being selfless and giving the gift of life!

If you're ready to give the gift of family, apply to become a gestational carrier today!